Imagine this: You ask your child to clean up their room, and without a second reminder or a raised voice, it’s done. Sounds like a dream, right? For many parents, getting children to listen and follow through on requests can feel like an uphill battle. But what if there was a way to transform your words into something as valuable and effective as gold—commands that your kids actually listen to? Enter the world of enforceable statements, a cornerstone of the Love and Logic approach that can revolutionize how you communicate with your children.
What Are Enforceable Statements?
Enforceable statements are the secret sauce to getting kids to listen and act, not because you’re forcing them, but because you’re giving them clear choices within boundaries that you control. These statements are simple, yet powerful—they focus on what you as a parent can do, rather than what your child must do. This shift in language empowers you and reduces the chances of a power struggle, making your words not just heard, but respected.
Why do they work so well? It’s all about psychology. Children naturally push back against commands, especially when they feel cornered or powerless. By using enforceable statements, you place the responsibility of choice back in their hands, within the limits you’ve set. It’s a win-win: they feel in control, and you get the desired behavior without the fight.
The Difference Between Enforceable and Unenforceable Statements
Let’s look at the common unenforceable statements we often use: “Stop fighting!” or “Hurry up!” While these commands are clear, they’re not enforceable—what can you really do if your child chooses not to comply? This is where frustration builds, and repeated warnings or raised voices tend to follow.
Now, let’s turn those unenforceable statements into enforceable ones:
- Instead of “Stop fighting!” try saying, “I’ll be happy to talk to you when your voices are calm.”
- Instead of “Hurry up!” say, “We will leave as soon as you’re ready.”
In both examples, you’re expressing what you will do in response to their actions, rather than demanding they change their behavior. This subtle shift makes all the difference. It puts the ball in their court, and because they know you mean what you say, they’re more likely to make the choice you hope for.
For more examples of enforceable and unenforceable statements, and to download the PDF, visit this page.
Creating enforceable statements is easier than you might think, and with a little practice, it will become second nature. Here’s a simple guide to get you started:
- Focus on What You Can Control: Begin your statements with “I will” or “I am,” focusing on what you can do, not what you want your child to do.
- Be Specific and Concise: Keep your language clear and to the point. Avoid lengthy explanations—children respond best to simple, direct statements.
- Use Positive Language: Frame your statements in a positive way, showing what will happen, rather than what won’t. For example, “I’ll serve dinner when the table is set,” instead of, “No dinner until the table is set.”
- Prepare for Follow-Through: Be ready to act on your statements. Consistency is key, so make sure you’re prepared to follow through every time.
Take a moment to practice. Write down a few unenforceable statements you find yourself using often. Now, try transforming them into enforceable ones using the tips above. The more you practice, the more natural this will feel, and you’ll soon notice a significant change in how your children respond to you.
Benefits of Using Enforceable Statements
The benefits of using enforceable statements extend far beyond immediate compliance. Here are just a few reasons why this approach is so powerful:
Improved Compliance: When children understand that the consequences are within your control and will be consistently enforced, they’re more likely to follow through.
Reduced Power Struggles: Enforceable statements shift the responsibility to the child, reducing the likelihood of arguments and resistance. They are less likely to push back when they feel they are making their own choices within your defined limits.
Building Respect and Trust: This approach fosters mutual respect. Children learn that you mean what you say, and that trust builds over time as they see you consistently follow through with empathy and love.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
While enforceable statements are highly effective, there are some common pitfalls to be aware of:
- Avoid Empty Threats: If you make a statement, be sure you can enforce it. Empty threats undermine your credibility and teach children that your words are negotiable.
- Don’t Nag or Lecture: Say it once and mean it. Repeating yourself or escalating to lectures dilutes the power of your statement and invites resistance.
By staying mindful of these mistakes, you’ll ensure that your words remain powerful and respected.
Conclusion
Enforceable statements are a game-changer in parenting. They transform everyday commands into opportunities for your child to make responsible choices, all while preserving your authority and reducing stress. By focusing on what you can control and following through consistently, you’ll notice a positive shift in your household dynamics.
Give enforceable statements a try in your daily routine and experience the difference for yourself. Remember, parenting is a journey—each day offers new opportunities to grow, learn, and strengthen your bond with your child.
To explore a variety of effective, practical techniques, check out our bundled six-audio collection in the Lifesaver Kit and begin your parenting journey with Love and Logic today.
Thanks for reading!
The Love and Logic Team
