Parents want to see their kids grow up and be friends throughout their lives. However, when sibling rivalry strikes, children can turn into the worst of enemies instead of being the best of friends. This can be an incredibly difficult situation for many parents because they don’t understand how to resolve these conflicts and attempts to stop them can feel impossible.
Why Does Sibling Rivalry Occur?
Sibling rivalry can arise for many reasons, like sharing a room, sharing similar interests, or being similar in age. It can also increase in intensity during times of change or stress. Some degree of sibling rivalry is normal, and it can help our children develop essential life-long relational skills like problem solving and conflict resolution. However, parents need to learn how to ensure that these conflicts don’t grow chronic resentment, feelings of victimization, and perpetual family chaos. Here are four tips to help address sibling rivalry and maintain a healthy family atmosphere.
Four Tips to Address Sibling Rivalry
Tip #1: Nurture your children’s unique strengths and gifts
Favoritism by parents can lead to one sibling feeling superior and the other feeling jealous or underappreciated. It is important to remember that each child is an individual with unique abilities, interests, and aptitudes. When you care for your child’s unique interests or skills with empathy and love, your child is more likely to demonstrate respect and compassion for their sibling.
Tip #2: Provide strong and loving leadership
Unfortunately, many instances of sibling rivalry stem from kids not respecting their parents. Love and Logic is all about helping parents become, and remain, loving and strong authority figures. Much of this is achieved by providing consistent and enforceable limits. When kids feel a lack of such leadership, they experience anxiety and subconsciously wonder, “Well, if our parents aren’t running this home, I better.” Chaos among siblings can ensue as they compete for this leadership position.
Tip #3: Take Care of Yourself
When siblings begin to come into conflict, stay out of the middle while helping them find solutions. Most of us are tempted to rescue our kids by placing ourselves in the middle of their conflicts. When we do this, it teaches your children that someone will come and save them if they start or join an argument with someone else. A much better way to handle the situation is to let the children solve their own problems. Discover how you can guide them in our blog: Five Simple Steps to Help Kids Solve Their Own Problems.
Tip #4: Keep it their problem rather than yours.
“He started it!” “She started it!”
It doesn’t matter who started the problem because “everyone started it!” When parents try to sort who started it, they will only become frustrated and drained. We’ve received story after story of how parents have informed their children that bickering and arguing drains their parental energy. When this happens with parents who use Love and Logic, kids are expected to replace this energy by doing things such as completing extra chores or staying home from an activity so that their parents can restore their energy instead of driving their kids around.
Avoiding Family Chaos
Although we can’t ensure that our kids always love and appreciate each other, we can create a home where it’s always in their best interest to work hard at doing so. If you are struggling to handle battles between your kids, you can find strength and practical tips by listening to our audio, Sibling Rivalry: Strategies for Teaching Your Kids How to Get Along.
Thanks for reading!
