Love and Logic is a principles-based approach designed to help parents teach their children how to make good decisions. Our principles are based on the two foundational Rules of Love and Logic:
The First Rule of Love and Logic:
Adults take good care of themselves by setting limits without anger, lectures, threats, or repeated warnings.
The Second Rule of Love and Logic:
When a child causes a problem, the adult hands it back in loving ways.
Love and Logic has developed five core principles to help parents apply these rules. These principles have been used by thousands of parents to raise responsible and resilient children who know how to make good decisions throughout their lives.
Principle #1: Model the Behavior You Desire
Children learn in many ways, including by making their own mistakes and observing how we handle ours. By acting responsibly when we make mistakes, dealing with the consequences, and learning from them, we set an excellent example for our children on how to behave when things go wrong.
Principle #2: Allow Affordable Mistakes When Kids Are Young
When children make mistakes at a young age and experience the consequences, the "cost" is small, but the experience is invaluable. They learn the relationship between their actions and the outcomes, ultimately understanding that making good decisions and behaving appropriately is a better approach to life's challenges.
Principle #3: Demonstrate Empathy—Not Anger, Lectures, Threats, or Sarcasm
It is crucial for parents to avoid anger, lectures, threats, or sarcasm when delivering consequences. Instead, they should remain calm and empathize with their child. Without empathy, the correct words might be spoken, but the message will be lost.
Principle #4: Let Your Child Have an Opportunity to Solve the Problem
Children learn best by directly engaging in problem-solving. When they face challenges and are involved in overcoming them, they develop resilience, boost their self-esteem, and cultivate a healthy sense of independence.
Principle #5: Choose Logical Consequences Connected to the Misbehavior
When consequences are necessary, they should have a logical connection to the child's misbehavior. For example, having a child pay for something they broke or losing a toy left out. It is important not to use the first consequence that comes to mind in the heat of the moment. If necessary, delay the consequences to allow time to calm down and choose a logical one.
Conclusion
Every mistake a child makes when they are young is an opportunity for them to learn and develop skills that will help them avoid larger mistakes later in life. You can learn more about using the principles of Love and Logic in our new book, Raising Mentally Strong Kids: How to Combine the Power of Neuroscience with Love and Logic to Grow Confident, Kind, Responsible, and Resilient Children and Young Adults.
Thanks for reading!
