Love and Logic was developed 45 years ago to help parents and educators work with kids. Early on, I learned the hard way that adults can use the techniques of Love and Logic with other adults, and even on me! I have told the story many times of the state trooper who stopped me for exceeding the speed limit—and then used my own moves on me before I could use them on him! He listened with considerable empathy as I explained why I was going a little too fast, and then, when he told me he was about to give me a ticket for speeding, said, “This is such a bummer.” He used my own words and then followed that with plenty of choices!
We have heard from customers who also discovered the power of Love and Logic when working with other adults. Here is one example from several years ago that illustrates how this can work.
Jason was pretty discouraged about his job. He worked for a very controlling boss who made a habit of shooting down most of his creative ideas.
Returning from a Love and Logic parenting class with his wife, Jason talked with excitement about the module regarding giving choices. “The facilitator had some interesting things to say about control tonight,” he chuckled.
“My ears really perked up when the facilitator told us that the stronger a person’s needs are for control, the quicker they are to jump at the chance to make a choice or a decision,” he mused. “Maybe that’s why my boss is so quick to say no to my suggestions. It gives him a quick sense of control. I’m going to try a new approach with him. We learned that it helps to offer two choices, either of which we would be happy with. I think I can make that work for me.”
Instead of designing only one approach to his next project, Jason designed two. Entering the boss’s office, he said, “Boss, there’s a couple of ways we can address this problem.” Handing the supervisor two different written proposals (both of which Jason liked), he asked, “Which one of these do you think will be best?”
That evening Jason took his wife out for a celebration dinner. “It was great, Kim. He jumped on one of those proposals just as fast as he used to say no. He even congratulated me for my work. The Love and Logic facilitator was right when she said, ‘You either give people control on your terms or they take it on their terms.’ I think I’ve found a way to work with control freaks.”
There are many other ways that Love and Logic can be used in relationships between adults. For example, many parents find themselves in a power struggle over parenting styles. Some of the concepts in our audio, Nobody Wins a Power Struggle, can be used to help adults avoid battles that can ruin relationships.
Thanks for reading!
