Empathy is the cornerstone of our Love and Logic approach. It is the gift of a lifetime that will allow our children to learn wisdom from life’s trials and tribulations, rather than developing discouragement and resentment.
Why Is Empathy So Important?
Why is empathy so important? Empathy demonstrates love, and love provides hope.
Hope provides the motivation our kids need to choose what’s healthy rather than destructive.
For over 49 years, the Love and Logic message has remained the same:
- Hope and pray that your kids make plenty of affordable mistakes when they are young.
- Hold them accountable for these mistakes with sincere empathy.
- Do this so they can learn when the “price tags” are still small.
Providing empathy requires that we tolerate messiness rather than trying to create a perfect life for our kids. Although empathy can be messy at times, it is necessary for instilling the attitudes and skills that will help kids to grow into respectful, responsible, successful adults.
Why Empathy Is Hard for Parents
Deep in our parental hearts is the dream that our children will enjoy a wonderful, trouble-free life. A life where all issues are resolved cleanly, and they live happily ever after. Ironically, this well-intentioned urge often makes it more challenging for us to provide empathy when our kids need it the most.
Lectures, threats, frustration, and anger provide an illusion of control, a fleeting sense that we’re getting something done.
Empathy requires a strong conviction that we cannot fix others, but that life’s challenges are gifts that build maturity. It is only through empathetic responses can we teach our kids and help them learn how to handle life’s challenges.
Many parents share with us that they find empathy very challenging. Some are exasperated and say, “Empathy is the hardest part! Too often my own frustration and anger get in the way.”
These parents remind me that I’m not the only one who slips, and that sometimes I need to be reminded that nothing’s more important than sincere empathy.
Signs You May Be Slipping Away from Empathy
Clues that I might be slipping include:
- I find myself in more arguments.
- The people around me seem to find all sorts of creative ways of not doing what I want—sometimes they forget, sometimes they comply but do a sloppy job, sometimes they do exactly the opposite of what I ask.
- I feel frustrated and exhausted in my interactions with others.
Simple Empathy Statements That Work
A very powerful way of remembering to use empathy is to memorize one empathetic statement that fits your personal style. Listed below are some favorites:
- This is so sad.
- What a bummer.
- Oh man. This isn’t good.
It can help to write your favorite empathetic statement on small slips of paper and posting them all over the house.
Learn More About Setting Healthy Limits
In my audio, The Gift of Limits, empathy is described as one of the foundational guidelines for setting limits and raising happy, secure kids. If you'd like practical strategies for creating healthy boundaries while helping children learn responsibility, resilience, and self-control, The Gift of Limits provides simple, effective tools you can start using right away.
Thanks for reading!
